My journey starts now and here is my story from the beginning.
It all started in my days at school. I was an unhappy girl (as family would say grumpy), I never really enjoyed much but I didn’t mind the odd PE and swimming class, although I was not in good shape but more on the chubby side.
In my teens it was difficult because of the body changes, pressure in school and the want for that popularity (in America known as the IT girl) LOL..
Leaving school and starting full time work as a hairdresser, I was in the public view having to talk to clients and be on show, so my appearance was important. I always felt conscious of how I looked and dressed but being on the heavy side, I was still unhappy.
However, when I was 18 years old I decided on a change and work in a pub. That’s when my eating disorder started. Working behind a bar I felt under pressure and was always in public view which I grew increasingly conscious and my weight was dropping, which I was pleased with. I hated having my picture taken and I would always see faults which made me feel worse. There was never a day that would pass where I felt happy with my appearance and I was loosing confidence gradually. I started the gym soon after I started working at the pub – just doing cardio. This made me feel good for a short period of time, but I was still having major eating troubles.
Sadly for me, meeting the wrong people/boyfriends did not help, as they were always negative and putting me down – making me feel I would not get any better, and I felt I was nothing just working in a pub.
When I was 22 years old, I ended up staying in Spain for 3 months (originally as a holiday). After landing myself a little bar job, I was happy at that time, because I was away from where I felt so unhappy but I soon returned to my life in England.
When I came back to reality (England), I was at my heaviest – 5ft 4in, 11.8 stone in weight and FAT! I was gutted! I looked bloated and fat and couldn’t fit into anything. So that was my wake up call and I decided I was going to sign up to a gym as soon as I found a new job.
My first time down the gym was hard because I was smoking and didn’t have a great diet but I was determined to get fit and healthy while feeling good for the first time. But I needed to quit smoking!!
I managed to eventually stop smoking which was an on and off thing but I finally did it! I’ve now been a non-smoker for 3 years!I then needed to stop the drinking but that would be hard as it was for me a social thing.
However, after starting the gym and quiting smoking I found that I was feeling a little brighter in myself and I was getting fitter and stronger but my diet failed me again! It wasn’t good with my bulimia starting again. All I wanted was what I saw in magazines – the “SKINNY” look.. My eating disorder was on and off for the next few years and while boozing continued at weekends, my training remained but never changed anything other than losing weight but then gaining weight.
I started to experiment with weights and play about with different techniques but always avoiding lifting heavy as I was worried about getting big and gaining more weight. I have always wanted a good shape but was put off with what I was always hearing from people – “you don’t want to look like a bloke” so that stopped me.
After going to the gym for so long and seeing others train and admiring how this woman looked in my gym, I thought “WOW she looks great – I would love to look like that!” That’s when I started buying magazines, researching ideas on how to use the machines and weights. So I started picking up weights more and more. But my diet was still failing me as I was not eating enough! I was scared to eat and bulk up or put more weight on. After 6yrs of training on and off in different ways, listening to people guide me wrong while telling me this and telling me that – my head was exploding! So again, I searched the internet and hunted down information that could give me the start I needed. I even got in touch with known trainers but all they wanted was my money and not what they could do for me!!
A year ago I was so determined to keep going in my search for the right advice and support, that I went to events and spoke to people on Facebook through attending these events. I kept hitting walls upon walls and I was getting so disheartened with useless advice and paying out for training (when the trainer was not consistent enough or he or she kept cancelling on me). My luck changed when I went to Bodypower this year, which was amazing.
Going to these events really opened my eyes to the amazing athletes (who are and have been an inspiration) which in turn changed me for the better. Meeting the owner and professional athletes and experts on the “Pumping Fit”stand has now given me the drive and motivation to pursue my dream – to aim high and succeed!
Through persevering this passion I have for bodybuilding fitness – something that I have worked hard for and had to fight obstacles for – I have finally found my happiness and I can put my hand on my heart say that I have not medalled in silly diets or done anything to hinder my progression for a year now! My bulimia is behind me and my intake of food/nutrition has improved greatly. I found my smile when I found the weights LOL…
I have met some amazing people with the same passion who think, breathe and sleep bodybuilding. I have remained good friends with them and will support them to continue their dreams.
My aim, with the amazing support from the people at PumpingFit.com, is to compete in 2013.
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